Thinking Cottage

It's back. I can literally feel it when I'm slipping. All the stuff I'm doing but have no control of it.
It's like I'm being piloted by someone who I know so well of.
Pictures and voices are getting clearer.
I thought I had it in me to suppress it.
Eventually it's back.

Am I going to go thru all those days again?
I'm doing all I could to stop it.
Someone please help me.
Help me understand myself.
Please. Believe me when I say I'm failing to grasp between reality and fantasy.
Wake me up slowly. Please.

“...the people who move through the streets are all strangers.
At each encounter, they imagine a thousand things about one another; meetings which could take place between them,
conversations, surprises, caresses, bites.

But no one greets anyone; eyes lock for a second, then dart away, seeking other eyes, never stopping...

Something runs among them, an exchange of glances like lines that connect one figure with another and draw arrows, triangles, until all combinations are used up in a moment, and other characters come on to the scene... ”

“But I'm just being honest."

That's right. You're just being honest. You are not being compassionate, or considerate, or thoughtful, or lovinf, or polite, or pleasent. Just honest.

There are times when someone has to deliver the unpleasant truth. There may even be times when that person is the, "just being honest" fanatic. But so much more often, unvarnished honesty is unnecessar, unkind and unwarranted, and a little thought put into delivery of the message would go such a long way towards making it valuable and constructive feedback rather than a shattering blow that can only be forgiven, not forgotten.

I'm very cautious about who has access on me lately.

And it's not out of arrogance, it's out of the need to protect my space and energy as I continue to work in elevation myself.

This chapter of life requires me to be a little less accessible.

I feel like I'm living in this constant state of too much and not enough.
The days are passing by too fast or too slow.
And I'm either too overwhelmed or too empty.

In the end, what should I do?